See, the world is going down the crapper. Incidentally, the toilet was invented by John Crapper, hence it's original name, the crapper, and hence the noun "crap." It was the French from whom we stole the world "toilette" and made it toilet, in an act of cultural egotism unmatched until the transformation of the croissant to the Crossanwich. It may very well be the McCrossanwich, for all I know.

See what I mean? We are inundated by commercial perversions of respected traditions, our most deeply felt convictions, our biological impulses... it just goes on and on. Why are we suddenly so easily manipulated? Because we have stopped evaluating our choices, except the patently groundbreaking ones. And why? Because life is too complicated to pay attention to all the time. And why? There are too many people.

OR... That was just a fukkin' clumsy seque into what I'm really trying to say here. There are too many people on Planet Earth. People, we LIVE on Planet Earth. Planet Earth is our home. Planet Earth is our livelihood. Planet Earth is a dump.

We keep making more people with our little genitals, and those people spend the rest of their lives taking from the earth. There are more than six billion people on this here galactic rock, and in twenty years... there'll be a buttload more of 'em! If some other species of our size and number were just walking around, we'd consider it an overpopulation problem. Our scientists would say, "Why, that's simply too many animals for their habitat to support! This will surely lead to overfeeding, and then starvation."  Hey wait, aren't they saying that about us already? Yes, I believe they are! But we don't listen.

We want steak dinners, fine wines, expensive sneakers manufactured by exploited members of our own species. Most of all, we want kids. Give me babies. Let's have a nice little family, we'll raise our babies so they can grow up and make us proud mamas and papas.

Now, nobody, but nobody, can determine whether or not your children will make something of themselves, will do something to benefit mankind.  I will tell you one thing that your children are guaranteed to do: consume. I reiterate: your children are will consume in order to survive. Every child has done this, except the ones who starve to death, cold, skinny, and naked.  Being a good parent, you'd never let that happen, would you? No way! What kind of a parent do you think I am?  I'm going to provide for my children, make sure they have food in their bellies and clothes on their skins.  Alright then.  Consider: the average lifespan of the human is, last I checked, about 70 years.  Given the advances in medical technology in development now and to come, this is likely to extend to 120 years, or something else longer than 70.  Don't quote me exactly on this one, folks.  So, your kids are likely to live at least 70 years.  For seventy years, they will live off of the food, clothing, services, housing etc. obtained on and from the earth. 

Just try to imagine where all the food you'll eat in your lifetime comes from.  Fuk man, think about the pure tonnage that goes through your body in your lifetime.  Even more will go through your offspring during their lifespan.  Now, imagine giving that mountain of food to someone else.  Think about how much that mountain would help the underprivileged in third world countries, or the underfed right here in the US of A.  I want to tell you, you CAN give this to someone who needs it.

Don't have a kid. 

By not having a kid, you're giving future generations thousands of tons of food that otherwise would have gone into your child.  Over their lifetimes, the average North American consumes 5 times as much as a Mexican, and 30 times as much as a person from India.  Yes, I found an actual statistic.  CONGRATULATE ME BY NOT BREEDING.

Let's say you're already an earth-conscious individual.  Okay, you recycle.  Better yet, you're a vegetarian.  Best case scenario, you're a vegan, and nothing you eat is the result of another organism's pain.  If this is true, then I sincerely congratulate you!  Not everyone has the discipline or motivation to be so ecologically aware.  Now, let's say that during your lifetime, your conservation saves a few acres of unspoiled wilderness, and you convince others to enjoy the vegan lifestyle, which would save the lives of many livestock. (See the repetition there? Lives, livestock? Boy, I'm clever!)  Having done all this, you decide to have children and raise them in your own environment-friendly ways. 
As they grow up, you have no guarantee that they will stick to the values you've taught them.   Furthermore, if they have kids, (which is lively,) you have even less of a chance of them being earth-friendly, or even aware of the environment outside of their futuristic home, insulated from the surrounding atmosphere.  Do you want to risk bringing into being a line of meat-eaters, ozone-polluters, and SUV-drivers who will waste and consume throughout their entire lifespans?  Well, that's a rhetorical question, so the obvious answer is "No," but i want you to assess the risks for yourself.  I mean, you decide not to have kids or a kid, then the world eventually has a little more room to breathe.  It's a bit cleaner, a bit friendlier towards animals... the list goes on.  This essay may be a lot of randomly phrased bullhockey, but I hope I've made you think about what you can do for your planet.

Oh, wasn't this originally about suicide and how that would help the earth too?  Um... if you feel like it, go for it. I'm too tired to explain it further.  I'm just glad this whole thing is in complete sentences.

DeathFrogurt

Once my last name was Bjorkman.
You know, Bjork is really a triple threat. She's a killer recording artist, a recently discovered actress, and she has great jugs. Death to Bjork!

But seriously, she's good people. If you can get past her intensely thick Icelandic accent, the lyrics are very insightful and... well, freeing. Check out, um I dunno, Alarm Call. The great thing is, people remix her stuff all the time, so you can listen to the heart-filled, teardrenched version of a song, and then totally rock out to it.
For Example: Isobel (the original vs. the Carcass remix) Check it one time, rockin' hardcore excellent groovy funkin' bogus daft beats stream of consciousness chicken.

God, this wasn't supposed to be a fukkin' Bjork love fan site. This was supposed to be about how I hate you! Yes, you.

Die.

See, the world is going down the crapper. Incidentally, the toilet was invented by John Crapper, hence it's original name, the crapper, and hence the noun "crap." It was the French from whom we stole the world "toilette" and made it toilet, in an act of cultural egotism unmatched until the transformation of the croissant to the Crossanwich. It may very well be the McCrossanwich, for all I know.

See what I mean? We are inundated by commercial perversions of respected traditions, our most deeply felt convictions, our biological impulses... it just goes on and on. Why are we suddenly so easily manipulated? Because we have stopped evaluating our choices, except the patently groundbreaking ones. And why? Because life is too complicated to pay attention to all the time. And why? There are too many people.

OR... That was just a fukkin' clumsy seque into what I'm really trying to say here. There are too many people on Planet Earth. People, we LIVE on Planet Earth. Planet Earth is our home. Planet Earth is our livelihood. Planet Earth is a dump.

We keep making more people with our little genitals, and those people spend the rest of their lives taking from the earth. There are more than six billion people on this here galactic rock, and in twenty years... there'll be a buttload more of 'em! If some other species of our size and number were just walking around, we'd consider it an overpopulation problem. Our scientists would say, "Why, that's simply too many animals for their habitat to support! This will surely lead to overfeeding, and then starvation."  Hey wait, aren't they saying that about us already? Yes, I believe they are! But we don't listen.

We want steak dinners, fine wines, expensive sneakers manufactured by exploited members of our own species. Most of all, we want kids. Give me babies. Let's have a nice little family, we'll raise our babies so they can grow up and make us proud mamas and papas.

Now, nobody, but nobody, can determine whether or not your children will make something of themselves, will do something to benefit mankind.  I will tell you one thing that your children are guaranteed to do: consume. I reiterate: your children are will consume in order to survive. Every child has done this, except the ones who starve to death, cold, skinny, and naked.  Being a good parent, you'd never let that happen, would you? No way! What kind of a parent do you think I am?  I'm going to provide for my children, make sure they have food in their bellies and clothes on their skins.  Alright then.  Consider: the average lifespan of the human is, last I checked, about 70 years.  Given the advances in medical technology in development now and to come, this is likely to extend to 120 years, or something else longer than 70.  Don't quote me exactly on this one, folks.  So, your kids are likely to live at least 70 years.  For seventy years, they will live off of the food, clothing, services, housing etc. obtained on and from the earth. 

Just try to imagine where all the food you'll eat in your lifetime comes from.  Fuk man, think about the pure tonnage that goes through your body in your lifetime.  Even more will go through your offspring during their lifespan.  Now, imagine giving that mountain of food to someone else.  Think about how much that mountain would help the underprivileged in third world countries, or the underfed right here in the US of A.  I want to tell you, you CAN give this to someone who needs it.

Don't have a kid. 

By not having a kid, you're giving future generations thousands of tons of food that otherwise would have gone into your child.  Over their lifetimes, the average North American consumes 5 times as much as a Mexican, and 30 times as much as a person from India.  Yes, I found an actual statistic.  CONGRATULATE ME BY NOT BREEDING.

Let's say you're already an earth-conscious individual.  Okay, you recycle.  Better yet, you're a vegetarian.  Best case scenario, you're a vegan, and nothing you eat is the result of another organism's pain.  If this is true, then I sincerely congratulate you!  Not everyone has the discipline or motivation to be so ecologically aware.  Now, let's say that during your lifetime, your conservation saves a few acres of unspoiled wilderness, and you convince others to enjoy the vegan lifestyle, which would save the lives of many livestock. (See the repetition there? Lives, livestock? Boy, I'm clever!)  Having done all this, you decide to have children and raise them in your own environment-friendly ways. 
As they grow up, you have no guarantee that they will stick to the values you've taught them.   Furthermore, if they have kids, (which is lively,) you have even less of a chance of them being earth-friendly, or even aware of the environment outside of their futuristic home, insulated from the surrounding atmosphere.  Do you want to risk bringing into being a line of meat-eaters, ozone-polluters, and SUV-drivers who will waste and consume throughout their entire lifespans?  Well, that's a rhetorical question, so the obvious answer is "No," but i want you to assess the risks for yourself.  I mean, you decide not to have kids or a kid, then the world eventually has a little more room to breathe.  It's a bit cleaner, a bit friendlier towards animals... the list goes on.  This essay may be a lot of randomly phrased bullhockey, but I hope I've made you think about what you can do for your planet.

Oh, wasn't this originally about suicide and how that would help the earth too?  Um... if you feel like it, go for it. I'm too tired to explain it further.  I'm just glad this whole thing is in complete sentences.

DeathFrogurt